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We (me), the undersigned, respectfully request that the technology enabled, power granted 15 minute fame seekers please stop clogging up the internet with their badly conceived and predictably executed user created playlists. Just because technologies such as Rhapsody allow you to create and publish your own playlist of tracks doesn’t mean you should. Playlist creation is a responsibility not a right. By publishing a list of tracks you are contributing to the living, breathing and sometimes pooping organism called popular culture. You want to be contributing a salad of organic greens with a fresh raspberry compote accompanied with the finest red wine not a bowel clogging, gut rotting, instantly satisfying Double Whooper with cheese and a large chocolate Blizzard (those items are trademarked by the way). It’s your culture look after it and it will last for years. Here’s a quick guide to writing a decent playlist.

1) Concepts find themselves
Thinking of a “neat” concept up-front invariably leads to strained or woefully predictable selections. For example, a playlist called “Cool Hip Hop from Orlando” will soon run dry and loose it’s direction as your knowledge of the underground scene in Orlando starts to dwindle. Then you’ll be forced to add artists from Kissimmee or butt-rock musicians from Orlando’s suburbs who once semi (and probably badly) rapped in the middle section in one of their songs. In either case, your concept let you down. Inevitably, the concept will widen until you’re left with just “Cool Hip Hop”. Now you are in a world of hurt. Who are you to say who is cool and who isn’t? Undoubtedly you’ll muck it up, miss say The Last Poets or Run DMC and then you’ll loose the respect of everyone and be cast into bad peer rating purgatory.

Concepts find themselves. They live in the moment and are part of the energy created as you start to sequence songs together. Begin by playing DJ. Practice at home, quietly and without upsetting your neighbors. Pick a track, any track and play it. You now have about three and half minutes to find another track that in some way is complimentary or juxtaposed with the track playing. Quick now, last thing you want is dead air. As soon as you have track two playing move track one somewhere safe, you’ll need it again later. Now again, run to your CD rack/computer/vinyl pile and pick track three. It has to work with track two and echo track one. Track four can forget all about track one but has to be responsible for moving the set forward in a direction. The direction? Well, by now a direction is finding itself because with just three and a half minutes to make selections the emotional part of your brain has wrestled control from your, frankly ill-equipped, analytical side and is starting to make choices based on how it feels. Let it find more tracks loosely based on this direction. If it changes direction, go with it, just change gently - don’t shake the baby. Here comes the tricky bit. Humans hate loose endings. We are masters of our universe and must understand everything. If you leave your playlist open ended people will feel cheated. When it’s time to wrap up your little DJ session (and sometimes they go on for days) you have about two to three songs to find the link back to the very first track you played. If you can’t do it, don’t force it. You’ll just have to keep going until you can effortlessly, with integrity and with a small amount of smug self-satisfaction play the first track again. You’re done. Write down the tracks in order, write down your direction and there you have a wonderful playlist worthy of the finest table at La Restaurant d’Culture Popular.

2) Don’t Make Single Artist Playlists
The record company has done that for you. They’re called “Greatest Hits“, “Lost Sides and Rarities” and “The Complete Recordings”

3) Don’t Make Playlists Based on Track Names.
Do not ever, ever, ever create playlists based on a name. For example, “Songs with Cheese In Their Title” will get you thrown out of the restaurant never to return. Similarly, if your lame ass concept is, say, “Summer Songs” try not to pick songs with the word “Summer” in their title. Why on earth would I want to listen to a song that just gave itself away by it’s name? Instead, elude to summer, perhaps in the arrangement, instrumentation, lyric or feel. A great example there would be Cisco Kid by War. It smacks of summer without ever having to mention it. While I’m on the subject of summer, you are allowed one and only one Beach Boys track per summer playlist per year. Please, use this choice wisely and pick something different, like Vegetables from Smiley Smile.

4) You Are Not Making The Playlist For You
If you’re going to publish the damn thing please try and think about the cultural advancement of our species. We’ve been out the trees for quite a while now and are still really struggling with making popular music mean something more than dollars and cents. Inform, educate and entertain your fellow proto-simian and they will, in turn, pick fleas from your back. A good playlist should leave the listener thinking they have discovered something new and not thinking you must be really cool because half the tree is taken up by your record collection. Stop thinking “tracks I like” and start thinking “tracks I think you’d like”.

As we hurtle down the information super highway with our windows down and the stereo blasting please think about littering. You wouldn’t throw your coffee cup out the window along I-5 so please keep the backwash of your high fat, super-sweet triple venti caramel macchiato with almond syrup and extra cream musical selections safely inside your browsing vehicle until you reach a suitable trash receptacle. If you do feel the need to share your beverage, stop the car, find a nice cafe and make it a simple single shot espresso served in a porcelain cup accompanied by great conversation and a feeling of time well spent doing absolutely nothing.

This entry was posted on Friday, July 7th, 2006 at 11:07 am and is filed under music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.