davethegrinch.net

Dave Says:
As the Asia portion of this trip draws to an end we realized we have spent a lot of column inches discussing the local peoples and not a lot of space ragging on the tourists. So to put matters straight we proudly and without fear of remorse or recrimination present a quick tour of the world’s tourist population:
Rated 1 – 10 on the International Tourist Irritation Scale
(1 = the occasional cool breeze that makes you shiver whilst trying to fall asleep on the golden sands by the crashing surf.
10 = sandfly bites on your arse that itch really bad for days after you did fall asleep on the golden sands by the crashing surf.)
Australia – Rating 2
Despite their bad reputation for loud and brash nocturnal activities, every one we’ve come across has been a model of responsible tourism. Of course, they’re always Aussies and you can’t help feeling that any moment the Fosters may be brought out of the backpack and the party will start. We ran into many of them at the beginning from the girl who was so tired of traveling that she accused everyone of ripping her off, through to Mal and Chris who have seen the entire world three times over and onto Archer, the explosives expert who always demand his beer be Aussie cold and not Vietnam cold. However, as we moved west, the Aussies disappeared.

Austria – Rating 7
How much bother could a little country be? The stupid Austrian woman on our last trek was enough to put me off the entire place. She was hiking with another guide but we always end up at the same lodge each night. Not content with being the loudest in the room she had to talk non-stop for hours about how great she was because she finished the Anapurna Trek in 18 days instead of 21 and constantly criticized Nepali life – right there in front of the Nepalis. She would constantly talk over people, interrupt and disagree with everyone. By the end even the guides were ignoring her – all except her own guide who had to kow-tow a little to save his tip. But when she went to bed, man, did he tells us some stories about her. The whole nation would be damned on the irritation scale if it wasn’t for Peter and Yva who we met in Malaysia and single handed rescued their country from a 10 rating!!
France – Rating 1
Not at all irritating – mainly because every girl we met from there was really cute and the accent gets me every time.
Germany – Rating 8
Some German woman was eating pizza in the same restaurant as us and complained quite loudly that her pizza wasn’t green but more like a shade of brown. The menu had named the pizza the Green Pizza but the woman was unable to distinguish a name from the what color the item may actually be. It also escaped her attention we were in an organic restaurant where most things had the moniker “green” – we assume to reassure us our spending money there would somehow save the planet. Despite the waiter’s attempts to put her meal right she accused him of “talk, talk, talk” and slumped into a sulk. We also “met” another German whilst trekking. Again, we would all arrive in the same lodge in the evening but this guy wouldn’t interact with any one. Not even a hello, just a lame wave and a constant fiddling with his iPod. Why he irritated me, I don’t know – I never even spoke to him, but sometimes life on my blog is hard so he helps up the rating for poor Germany.
Israel – Rating 5
Poor Israelis. Everyone hates them. The guide books warn you where not to eat or drink lest the place be overrun with Israelis. Every local who works in the tourist industry in every country we visited has not one good word to say about them. They say they are rude and pushy and demanding. One Nepali guide said a party of Israelis fired their guide whilst half way up a mountain. The problem seems to stem from their compulsory National Service. Once the little 22 year olds get out of the army, work for a year and grow their hair they all go traveling. Its the like the Gap Year in Britain only these guys can strip and reassemble US made assault rifles in about two minutes. There’s a lot of pent up frustration in these now long haired youngsters and I guess it has to surface somewhere.The only country where they don’t seem to bother the locals is Malaysia, which as a Muslim state, has banned them altogether. Therefore they get a 10 on the rating but wait, what about the ones we met? Well, we thought they were great so balancing world view with our own experiences they get a 5.
Canada – Rating 2
What’s not love about the maple leaf carrying Canucks? Sure, they know it too and are at pains to let the world know they are not American by sewing their flag on every piece of luggage they own. But this only mildly irritates me so they get would get a 3 on the scale but we’ve met a number of French Canadian girls who were also cute and had that accent thing again so the rating goes back down to 2.
Japan – Rating 1
They move silently, like Ninjas, through the world. You wouldn’t know they’re there if it wasn’t for the repeated flash of their credit cards, weight of their camera gear and fascination with wildlife and mountain views.
Korea – Rating 2
Next to the Israelis, the Koreans are the next most hated nation by local people. Again, not sure why, they seemed fine to us but i can’t let the collective wisdom of Asia go by unheeded – hence the 2 on the scale.
Ireland – Rating 5
Everyone loves the Irish. I do too. But, because this is my blog I can be a little harsh and penalize them for having to open an Irish bar in every city in the world. Why do they have to do that? It only acts as a magnet for all the Irish wannabes such as the English, Aussies, Kiwis and, every year in March, the Americans. Nobody is as proud of their Irish heritage than the Americans on St Paddy’s day even if your last name is Goldstein. So a 5 just because they won’t put passport control in their own bars.
United Kingdom – Rating 3
I love to rag on the Brits. Being one myself is sometimes a curse. I hate to hear the whinny turns of phrase from across the room and then the self-flagellation as they engage their stiff upper lips and put up with whatever’s wrong. I hate the bad dress sense of adventure clothing that has never seen a speck of dirt. And I hate to witness the “we once owned your country” mentality that pervades around Asia. So, imagine my surprise when I couldn’t really find much bad to say about them on this trip. Sure, I heard many Indians complain the British were never nice but maybe that’s just sour grapes on both sides. We met some lovely Brits. However, I did smile during an interaction with some Brits on their gap year as they attempted to live the Hunter S. Thompson / Jack Kerouac life of traveling. Living on single digit rupees and trying all the suspect drugs they could find. But then they were happy to discuss how next year they’d be off to Oxford and Cambridge universities. That irritated me because I’m old and either I had not lived the Oxford/Cambridge life or the Thompson/Kerouac life – I can’t quite work out which.
The Netherlands – Rating 10
They get too close. As I write this, two big, hippy like Dutchmen are working on the computer next to me. They both have bought hippy-shit clothing including a Bob Marley Rasta style hat and they smell. They smell really bad and it’s not even that hot here. In a separate incident, a group of Dutch rushed up to the outside seating where we were happily enjoying a cup of tea. One of them stood about two feet from me, removed his shirt to reveal a sweaty, hairy, fifty year old back and then bent over and farted right by my head. For this act alone they receive a 10!
The United States Of America – Rating 10
I’m an equal opportunity ragger and as well as ragging on my home nation, I love to rag on my adopted one. Well, surprise again – I have nothing bad to say about the Americans tourists. Admittedly Asia is a long way from Kansas so most Kansans who would have hard time handling the culture change in Oklahoma decide to stay at home. I think the Americans keep a low profile these days. The travelling type doesn’t feel particularly proud to have to either defend or abhor the actions of Mr Bush so, all of sudden, getting the kind of restaurant service the average American feels they are entitled to the world over takes second place to having to answer the question “Did you vote for President Bush?” I am, I admit, a bleeding heart liberal but I am not exaggerating when I say the dislike for the President of the US in countries that have absolutely nothing to do with Iraq is absolutely real and widespread. This is not the time to sew Old Glory on to ones backpack with the same abandon as the Canadians. I give the Americans a rating of 10 not because of anything we’ve witnessed but because American foreign policy is really irritating me right now!
So that’s it. I glad if I’ve offended anyone; these are all western or developed nations and if you’ve read this and taken offense you must have had your eyes closed around Asia because there are far more important things that should offer offense than the observations presented herein. Besides, it’s my blog – I can write what I want!

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007 at 5:36 am and is filed under Global Travels, Nepal. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.